“Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove.” The Impressive Clergyman, Princess Bride
My husband & I just celebrated 13 years of marriage a few weeks ago. I can hardly believe it’s been that long and at the same time, it seems like we’ve always been together. It’s been a wonderful thing sharing life with my Colin. However, being married ain’t all gum drops and slow dancing! Especially being married to me. There are times when marriage is hard work, there are times when it is boring, there are times when it’s not much fun at all. Nothing has challenged me to grow like being married & I was kicking and screaming a bunch of that time.
My husband and I were friends before we started going out. We had both had previous relationship experiences that made us want to enter into our own relationship with honesty and openness. We have a lot in common, but plenty of differences to keep things interesting. I believe we had a great start to our marriage, but that doesn’t mean it has been easy. We have had some incredible disagreements, arguments, and fights. There have been slammed doors, unkind words, painful silences and I can tell, you the sun has definitely gone down on our anger!
There is also this amazing shared story. The private jokes, the pain that no one knows but us, the secrets we keep for each other, the respect that we have for each other, the love that no one else can match for our sons. There is no doubt that we have seen each other at our worst and we have shared one another’s joys and triumphs.
In recent years, I have actually felt our relationship deepening and maturing. The greatest contributing factor in that has been learning to communicate. There will always be things that come up that need to be worked through, but I believe that if you learn how to communicate, the battle is mostly won. Styles of communication are unique to every couple, but when you know your own hang ups and your spouse’s quirks, it makes things so much easier.
We disagree regularly, but we resolve things so much quicker than we used to. We are able to laugh at ourselves mid-argument (randomly laughing or making fun of each other doesn’t always work, but it will occasionally do the trick!)
My parents have always said that if you are committed to staying married (and we are, for better or for worse, the D word isn’t a part of our vocabulary) then you might as well enjoy it. Be nice, be kind, be polite. Nurture your relationship. The boys see us disagree, but they see us resolve those disagreements. They see us laugh (a lot), they see us play, they see us love each other.
I count it a joy and honour to be married to Colin. I’m thankful that we found one another, each thousands of miles from our own countries. Someday soon, I’ll write down our love story – I think it’s a good one.
I’m looking forward to more adventures, more of everyday life, more growth and more laughter together. I believe that a healthy marriage is the greatest gift we can give to our sons and to ourselves!